Ferberizing

So I have been debating whether or not to blog about this b/c I didn't want any rude comments or judgement, but with proper understanding of the Ferber Method (and knowing why we are resorting to this technique) I think that anyone would understand that we are only doing what we think is best for our baby Davie!

So to begin: unlike popular belief, the Ferber Method is NOT the cry-it-out (CIO) method (as implied in the movie "Meet the Fockers"). Ferber actually is against any form of cold-turkey CIO methods. What it is is a sleep training technique involving a loving, soothing bedtime routine followed by what he refers to as the "progressive waiting approach" where you put your baby down in his crib awake (hopefully drowsy) and teach him how to self-sooth and fall asleep on his own by leaving the room and returning only to console him (without picking him up) at progressively longer intervals. Yes, the first few nights to a week that is going to involve some degree of crying, but in the long run the baby is supposed to go to sleep easier at night, sleep longer, and feel comfortable putting himself back to sleep if he were to wake up in the middle of the night.

Why do I feel like this method is necessary for Davie? Well, I have read two different infant sleep books in the past few weeks (Ferber's book, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" and the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley). After reading the No-Cry book, I realized that many of the solutions and techniques described in that book WE WERE ALREADY DOING!!! We were already giving him a relaxing bedtime bath, holding and rocking him for 10-15 minutes in a dimly lit room, and nursing him to sleep every night. And guess what, he was (is) waking up at least 3-6 times every night and finding it very difficult to return to sleep once awake!

After reading the Ferber method, it really explained to me what we have been doing wrong and why we desperately need to make a change ASAP. Davie falls asleep 1 of 4 ways. 1) Breastfeeding and we sneak him into his crib asleep. 2) On Jumpy's shoulder, and again we sneak him into his crib when he's passed out. 3) Sitting up in my lap as I vigorously bounced him and/or rocked him (again... sneak him to crib when asleep) and 4) Sometimes in the middle of the night when he wakes up we will turn on a musical teddy bear and pat his booty for up to 20 minutes while he wiggles and squirms and falls back asleep. All of these methods require much time and effort on our part, and STILL do not help him stay asleep all night long. It has to be frustrating to HIM as much as to us that he cannot stay asleep all night long. Would you want your night's rest broken up into a few short stretches of sleep? Davie is old enough and perfectly capable of lasting all night without a nursing session, so that is not the case. He needs to learn something new and fast.

Through all of our different techniques though one important thing is missing: Davie has NO IDEA how to fall asleep on his own. He requires massive intervention by one of us. That is where the Ferber method comes in handy. Yes, he is going to cry his little head off for the first few nights when we put him in his crib awake, and yes, it is going to be probably as hard on me as it is on him b/c I HATE to hear him cry even 1 minute, but after a little while he is going to fall asleep. And then he will find out that he CAN put himself to sleep and he doesn't need our help!

Another reason why our methods are not working: Only 1 out of the 4 methods actually involves Davie falling asleep IN HIS CRIB. Most of the time he falls asleep on shoulder/boob/lap and then gets snuck into his crib when he's asleep. As Ferber put it, how would you like it if every night you fall asleep in bed and wake up during the night only to discover that you are on the kitchen floor? Would you not wake yourself up and walk back to bed? Now what if you could not walk but had some type of live-in assistant (say a nursing aid). Would you not call out to your aid and ask them to put you back into bed? Same goes for Davie. He wakes up (as EVERYONE does during some point of their sleep cycle-- but that's a whole different topic) and he is not where he last remembers being! He is not on a warm shoulder or breast. So instead of just rolling over and going to sleep, he calls out and wants to be put back to one of the ONLY places he has ever known how to fall asleep!!!

All this is just explaining why we are going to give the Ferber method 100% of our efforts and try to see if it works for Davie. If after a week (if we last that long) we don't have any improvement then I guess we'll have to move on and try something different. One way or another, we need to find a method that works for Davie. Yes, we are tired and frustrated, but I care about Davie and I do not want him to be uncomfortable, miserable, tired, cranky, and all the rest that comes with a poorly rested infant. And don't forget, I'm not just saying we're going to let him cry until he passes out. We will come in no longer than every 10 minutes to reassure him that we are there for him, and we love him, and he is safe in our care, but also to tell him that it is time for him to learn to fall asleep.

I am very anxious and nervous about beginning the process tonight, and I'm definitely not counting on us getting much sleep. Luckily Jumpy has a 4 day weekend, so I'm hoping that we are able to take turns napping during the day if we need to. HOPEFULLY by Monday things will be improving. I know I am sometimes overly optimistic, but I really hope this works out for us. I cannot wait for the day when I can lay Davie down in his crib, he will happily and comfortably fall asleep and stay asleep all night long.

Wish us luck and I'll try to post how our progress is going on the blog (that is if I'm not too tired to open my laptop and type it all out!).